Pre Production Unit - Revised Script

Since I finished the script, I decided to get some feedback from Simon as I want it to be the best it can be. After he read it, I went in to have a meeting with him and discuss what I could do to improve it. He said the formatting was fine and no adjustments needed to be made there but he explained more could be done with the story. He explained that to him the story was a bit thin and it almost felt like a montage of images. He also said that the Voiceover of the poem was a bit redundant as all it did was explain what we were seeing on the screen. I completely agree with these comments and only realised this until Simon had said. He suggested that if you are going to have a voice over it needs to have meaning and do something that will add to the narrative. He talked about something called an unreliable narrator where an audience naturally believes what the voice over is saying even tho he or she could be lying. I took this advice and had another look at the script thinking how I could make it more interesting. I thought the visuals were great and I didn't want to change them too much but I did decide to cut the nightclub scene and the homeless scene as I didn't think they added much to the story.

I sat and thought, how can I make this story really exciting and twist it differently to what I already have. That's when I came up with a new idea for the ending that would change everything. I thought, what if Sophie is actually the cleaner of this big house and the owner is a woman who is away on holiday or business? What if this is Sophie's dream to try on all these outfits and pretend that she the owner for a week or more interestingly that shes killed the owner and is now taken her life quite literally living in her house and wearing her expensive things. I love this idea as I feel it gives the story more life and purpose. I then decided to change the voice over and narrate it from her point of view being a cleaner with no money. This really contrasts to the visuals and creates a question to the audience as what they are hearing is not what they are seeing at all. When someone rewatches the piece it will all fall into place and really make sense the second time around which I love. You can read the revised script below:

Although this will not match up with everything in the book as this has all been completed before revising the script it is still very true to most things that are in there. Im really pleased that I have made development on this and I will submit this copy along with the book itself so that you can see I have made improvements.